Victims
by Ryan-Ookami
Summary: A watcher muses about pain and love as he looks in on Jounouchi one night. Shounen-ai. MJ
1. Default Chapter

A/N: This is a little shounen-ai, between Jounouchi-kun and his pint-sized stalker. It contains spoilers for Battle City and the VR World arcs. This was just me musing about a rather unlikely bond between characters formed by a mutual pained experience. Please Enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. My bank account contains $3.11 in Canadian money. Other than that, I have nothing but my yugioh card collection which is probably not worth as much as how much I paid to get them all. I do have a nifty Secret Rare Serpent Night Dragon though. Yeah, I just shelled out over $100 before luck hit and I got it in a pack. Oh well.  
  
Translations: Oniisama-big brother (most honourable form) Konban-wa-Good Evening  
  
Victims  
  
*********  
  
I sit patiently outside his building and wait with wide eyes for his approach. It's a nightly routine, I can't live without this momentary glimpse that somehow keeps my heart beating for another day. If my big brother knew where I crept out to and why....well, honestly I'd be grounded until I was in my thirties. I somehow doubt that associating with the mutt is high on his list of worthwhile time expendatures. I on the other hand have a rather different perspective of my favourite nightly hobby.  
  
The moon is bright and full as it shines down and casts a silver glow on the silent streets. The wind is ruffling gently through my hair and carries the sweet smell of summer with it. School will begin again soon and I'm not sure how I'll manage. I can't focus, I can't sleep, I do nothing but think of him.  
  
I'm certainly related to my brother, though while he prefers a rival I need more. I want Jounouchi Katsuya. As a Kaiba of course, I simply must reach out and take what I want, to let nothing stop me or get in my way. See, want, take. Simple equation for total happiness. Of course, if it really were that easy I wouldn't be covertly staking out my obsession's home, now would I?  
  
I catch the light sounds of footsteps coming up the street, quietly at first, then louder as he draws closer to my hideout. My breath halts and I can feel the beating in my chest becoming a laboured thumping. My ears buzz and my head is light and I can almost see his face through the shadows, it sends pleasured tingles down my spine. His hair is soft and golden, it flutters around his frame much easier than my own thick black mane. His eyes are downcast, as if the sidewalk unfurling in front of him is of importance and his attention must not be diverted. He never looks up, not once. Sometimes his eyes dart from side to side, and I can see fear glinting deep inside and I understand him so well in those moments.  
  
I feel connected to him, like we share some secret knowledge, some insight into each other's soul. I feel it now and I wish it were true. I can't be sure what the reality is anymore. Who is Jounouchi Katsuya, really? Is he this lost blonde who walks alone through the dark streets, afraid and afraid to admit it? Or is he the vibrant laughing boy who almost vibrates with energy when his friends are around? I wish I knew...If I knew for certain, then I know where I would truly stand with him. The jokester, the prankster, the irrepressable and unrestrained Jounouchi sees me as is fit, a kid. I'm playful, intelligent, loyal and just a twelve year old boy who holds such a small place in his life. If it weren't for the animousity between Oniisama and Jounouchi, well, my blonde Adonis would never even be aware of my existance at all. On nights like this though, I have to wonder, how would this quiet Jounouchi see me? Would he see the loneliness and pain we share? The fear and uncertainty?  
  
We're alike and not alike and it drives me mad at times. I've tried so hard to figure it out, to know him better, inside and out. The only thing it all comes down to is that I can still see fear mirrored in those perfect chocolate eyes. They make me melt, make me feel like I'm suddenly in the spotlight and all that attention I crave from him is within my grasp. I've just never reached out and tried.  
  
It's not like it's easy to prepose, I can't just walk into his world and destroy all his attempts to rebuild with my pathetic childish declarations of love. Would he even believe that I knew what love was? I know I'm just a child, but I grew up far too fast, and I think somehow he knows it. I think he had to grow up to fast as well. He's spent a childhood building walls to block out what he didn't want to see, didn't want to feel. In that respect he's more like Oniisama than me. My mind was always open, and big brother protected me so I could stay that way. He never found a way to protect my innocense. I don't really mind all that much, I understand the world much better than others my age, it can be a comfort at times, a scourge at others. It makes me who I am. Would Jounouchi-san be able to see me for all that, would he be able to overlook the fact that I'm only twelve, still a kid by most standards? I don't want to come in and hurt him, scare him...or possibly destroy him. He tries so hard to play his part, to be the tough guy, solid and dependable to the end. Did he step into that role willingly? Does he tire of it? He's human like everyone else, he feels just like anyone else, but he tries too hard to fake it, to shrug everything off.  
  
I realize now how hard it must be for him, because I know how hard it's been for me. Oniisama has tried to guard me, tried to keep me safe. Overall I think he's done a good job, considering what we've faced. It's been only a month since Battle City ended with Yugi's victory. I would've thought that might heal all the wounds in Jounouchi, but even as I watch him now...I know the hurt is still fresh inside him.  
  
I never had much sympathy at the time, I was much more concerned for Yugi and Anzu. Though I'm rather ashamed to admit it, Jounouchi was much more a part of the problem than anything else at the time. I never noticed at first how much worse it was for him. Almost forced to kill your friends, to try and destroy all the things that held meaning in your life. He was put through hell, trapped within himself and he almost lost the battle inside for his own soul. No one else thought of it at the time either it seems, not one person stopped to consider the damage that could do to a person. Sure, Jounouchi swore vengence and all that....only to die trying. Once again, it was up to Yugi to save the day. I'm sure that was another pretty big blow, though certainly not as hard to take as it was for Oniisama.  
  
I sat there afterwards, and just thought hard, deep inside my self. I wanted to say something, to let him know that on some level I understood him, I understood that pain. I almost wound up getting my Oniisama and Jounouchi and all the others trapped in my brother's VR world. I almost betrayed the things I care about most. Until that happened I couldn't understand the glassy look in Jounouchi's eyes, that faraway look that he got when alone. I screamed in my head wondering how no one else could notice, how no one else saw that he was pulling away within himself. They're his best friends and somehow they just missed it. Was it lost up in Yugi's victory? The escape of the island? The mundane going-abouts of school? It's been a month and I'm the only one here watching, and that isn't right.  
  
I'm just a kid to him, nothing more, so why aren't his friends here with me, why aren't they ready to lend a hand?  
  
It's sad and bitter and I know that, but I think that if it were Yugi, then it would be a major mission. Everyone would put in overtime to get him back on his feet, to comfort him and care for him whenever it was needed. Instead the blonde is out here alone in the dark, his eyes sad and his hands stuffed in his pockets. He looks like a lost puppy that woke up to find everything it once knew had vanished. He still pretends that everything continues to go along as it should, he fills out his role as side kick and comic relief with all the vibrance he can muster. It's a pale imitation of his former vitality.  
  
He stops suddenly on the street and he glances back wearily over his shoulder, he hunches over slightly and keeps going, but I can tell his pace has quickened. He;s shivering as he goes and his eyes are clenched tightly shut. He isn't crying but I can see the wetness of unwanted tears that begin to form under his long lashes. I feel bad to sit here and watch him as he tries to keep himself from losing control, I don't want him to know I watch, he'd feel so embarassed. Possibly he'd be angry to have a pre-teen stalker who sits about in trees and muses over his shattered psyche whilst admiring the sleek lines of his golden body. So, having caught my nightly vision, it's time to sneak back home through the shadows. I spend an awful lot of time walking the dark alone, too. At least my former tormentor is physically incapable of following me here. We both know Marik is out there in the world, wandering around like nothing happened. You think a punishment might be in order, but I guess Yugi believes the bastard suffered enough. If the pharaoh would simply look hard at his best friend he might realize that the damage Marik inflicted isn't all cosigned to the past, done and over with. The betrayal of his own actions, the bondage of his spirit is a harsh memory that Jounouchi lives with every day, he carries it with him always. I wonder if he dreams about it, about what he might have done...I know I wake up screaming at night, begging for forgiveness from Oniisama. He comes in and pats my hair affectionately and tells me that everything is okay, it wasn't my fault and he still loves me. I doubt anyone does that for Jounouchi when he akes from his own nightmares.  
  
I hoist my legs over the edge of the branch and wrap my arms around the rough bark as I begin to shimmy my way to the ground. I can't be sure what gave me away, what noise or clue, but Jounouchi whips around, his fists held up protectively "Who's there?" he demands and I stiffen, cursing the damn awkardness that comes from being almost a teenager. I lang roughly on the ground and brrush myself off as I step around the wide trunk to reveal my presence. I might've be able to stay hidden behind the tree, but that might only have made him more upset, more scared. Least of all I wish to add to his problems.  
  
"Konban-wa, Jounouchi-san." I bow prefunctorily, trying to keep my voice smooth and formal, hopefully betraying none of my panic or desire.  
  
He puts his fists down and blinks in confusion, looking comically from me to the tree and back again. "Aren't there any trees on your estate?"  
  
I run a hand through my hair and pick out a leaf that got caught. "Not sycamore." I reply dryly.  
  
He grins madly and laughs. "Nice Try kiddo, that's a dogwood."  
  
Damn. So I can't tell a maple from an oak or a sycamore from a dogwood. I hadn't though he could either. "Oh." Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I stand there in front of him blushing and looking down at my feet while trying to think up something witty or clever to say and coming up empty. Apparently he can't think of anything either, or he's waiting for me. I shuffle my feet uncomfortably as he walks up and places a soft hand on my shoulder. My eyes are wide and I stare up at him hopefully.  
  
"You wanna go somewhere and talk?" he offers quietly, his hiney eyes shining with confusion and concern. My stomach flutters wildly under that gaze, content to know that for once, finally, I am the center of his world. It might only be for a moment, but the light touch of his skin, and the sweet spicy scent of his aftershave is enough to make my embarassment more than worth it. After realizing I'm just staring up at him I jerk away and nod shyly, feeling so unlike myself and not sure why. His hair toussels slightly as he looks up and down the street before his eyes settle back on me. There's a weight there, a measuring up of me, before deciding. "C'mon, kid. Casa de Jounouchi awaits." he smiles lavishly and leads me by the hand to his building. He bows and hold the door open for me and the smiles again and winks. "After you Kaiba-sama, sir."  
  
I laugh at his silliness and thank him grandly as I walk past with all the pompous confidence a Kaiba can. He snickers and walks in after me, careful to lock it again behind him. The lock is pretty cheap, I could pick it in minutes, but the routineness of the action is more important than how effective the measure might be. Humankind has always taken much overrated comfort in routine and tradition, but since I'm like that too who am I to complain? We head up three flights of stairs and into a dimly lit hall, the floor is filthy and one rather conspicious stain in the middle reminds me of blood. No wonder Oniisama told me not to even come to this part of Domino alone or at night. The keys gingle in his hands as Jounouchi undoes the lock to his front door, and as I often do, I stare in rapt attention, watching the graceful movements of his slender fingers. I have a certain enchantment with his hands, they're soft and warm, his fingers are long and slender and amazingly adept. I recall once watching him playing with a yoyo as he sat on a bench by the park. I could've watched the subtle movements of those delicate fingers for an eternity.  
  
"Uh, Mokuba??" His eyebrow is quirked and I'm shamefaced to notice his door is open and waiting, while I stand dumbfounded and lost in though on the doormat. Another great idiotic moment for me to torment myself over later. I hate looking like such a moron around him.  
  
"Sorry," I mumble almost inaudibly as I take his invitation and walk in.  
  
"Hold on a sec'" he says before fishing around in the closet by the door, finally procuring a faded pair of white slippers. "I don't have much company over," he apologizes in a whisper and I realize that there are many more levels to him than I thought. His home is dark and it smells of things dead and of too many bottles of cheap booze. I try not to scrunch my nose as he leads me through the living room and off into a short hall. "I know it isn't much, not like you're used to, is there anything I can get you, a drink?"  
  
"No thanks, Jounouchi-san."  
  
"You don't have to call me that, you know, Mokuba. I never bother with that politeness shit." he coughs in embarassment. "Uh, stuff. oops. Don't tell your brother I swore infront of you. He'd call me a bad influnce and make sure I never saw you again," he smiles lightly and my stomach is churing from the thought that he actually would want to see me again. He probably didn't mean it in the way I want him to, but it felt nice to hear anyway.  
  
I grin back "What will you give me to make sure I don't tell?" damn, what an impudent little brat I can be.  
  
"Well, lemme see what I got....my room's in here." he pulls his keys back out and I stand in something resembling surprise when I notice that while his apartment building lacks proper locks and security his bedroom most certainly doesn't. A regular door lock is on the handle while a deadbolt rests solidly above in shining testament to the safety of the room beyond. He doesn't notice my shock and ushers me in. I watch him turn his back and finish the routine that probable occurs everytime he leaves or enters his room. Both locks are resecured, though from the inside the key isn't required. A bolt into the floor is also put in position, and a chain lock that once hung down carelessly is strung across, should all other locks fail. Considering how many lock he has, I doubt the flimsy chain is really necessary, except in his own mind. Each lock represents another degree of safety ensured within this tiny prison that he calls home.  
  
Despite what I might have thought, his room is surprisingly neat. Although I admit, that must be at least partially due to the fact that it's nearly empty. A small futon bed is stowed neatly in the corner, a standing desk with a lamp and a faded dresser are the only pieces of real furniture in the room. a few homemade benches and a blue blow up chair are the other few accessories, Jounouchi politely takes the bed and offers me the chair. He didn't blow it up fully, so I sink down into it somewhat, but I think that's what he had in mind, considering how surprisingly comfortable it is. I doubt Oniisama would let me replace the living room set at home with plastic furniture.  
  
It's silent and uncomfortable for a moment, then he gets up and heads to his closet. Hidden inside is a bar fridge, he opens it and peers inside before grabbing a cola. "Sure you don't want one?" I shake my head and he closes the door and the closet afterwards before he flops back on the bed. The can hisses and foams slightly as he opens it, but he cutely slurps it up before it spils. He manages to laugh and look sheepish. It seems he doesn't want to look bad in front of me as much as I do in front of him. Although, his reason probably has more to do with my brother. Jounouchi wouldn't want me to go home and maybe say something to Oniisama that might be turned around and made into an insult. Then again, Jounouchi should probably realize that I'm not here with my big brother's blessing. Seto'd have a fit, we both know it.  
  
"So..." I begin dismally.  
  
His chocolate eyes soften "You needed to talk about something, maybe?" My eyes catch his and I want so badly to just open my mouth and blurt out a month's worth of feeling and confusion, but my breath is stuck in my throat and I can't choke the words out. He sets his pop down on his desk and comes towards me on his knees before he sits down in front of me. My body feels fevered and he grips lightly at my knee, his expression so serious and intent. "I know that maybe we don't know each other to well Mokuba, but I can promise that you can say anything to me. I won't tell Kaiba, I can keep whatever it is between us."  
  
I curse myself as I begin to lose my own precious control. Like Oniisama I pride myself on being cool and level under any circumstances, but I'm nowhere near as good as big brother. I don't want to be right now either. I really want to sob like a child and hold on to Katsuya for dear life. I'm not sure why, I know I want to be with him, but all I feel right now is scared and hurt and so confused.  
  
I fall out of the chair and grapple him around the waist, squeezing for all I'm worth and wailing into his chest. His arms wrap around me comfortingly and I can feel his hands running through my hair and it is better than I imagined to just have him hold me, even if love isn't what he's thinking. "I never wanted to hurt anyone, I never wanted--I didn't-I-I" my words hitch in my throat as I try to get out everything I carry inside me where no one ever sees. I'm not embarassed or frightened to share this now and here, with him.  
  
"I know, it's okay. " he whispers in his light voice and for once it seems like that just might be the truth. "It's okay Mokuba, I understand, I really do." he holds me tight against him and I feel wrapped up in him, his presence and warmth just pouring over me.  
  
And I know he really does understand.  
  
********  
  
A/N: Whoa....long Mokuba introspective. I wasn't expecting this. I admit, I toyed with this idea for a week or two now, never really seriously, but heck, tonight it just started to write. Neato. I like writing for Mokuba because I felt more free to use all the damnable big words that make up my own vocabularly. I'm like a dictionary fiend, I love labourous words. Anyways, while I haven't seen the VR-World Noa's Arc (damn that unavoidable pun), I do know that Noa brainwashes Mokuba into pretty much betraying Seto and his bond. As we al know, Jou had similar problems at Marik's hands. I think the mental repercussions weren't dealt with ever. So, here was my take on them bonding over their shared experience of being a brainwashed flunky for an evil power. Plus heck, Mokuba should have some fairly serious issues by now considering how many times the poor kid gets kidinapped. 


	2. important!

Ryan_Ookami regretfully informs her fans of a brief hiatus from her writing hobby....  
  
Well, actually, I'm taking a break for about two weeks because my uncle died and I'm dealing with that rather sad occurance. He was only a bit older than my dad and I'm really upset, so I decided to take a break. Currently at least three of my on-going stories are of a rather sad or angsty nature and I'd really like to concentrate on other happier things for a little bit. I apologize for leaving people hanging plot-wise, but I'm doing what i think I need to for a bit. I'll hopefully see you soon. Bye.  
  
~Ryan 


End file.
